Seasonal Friends

One of the things I have never understood was the idea of “friends for a season” or “seasonal friends.”   My first experience of a friend not talking to me was in my mid-twenties.  She wasn’t returning any of my phone calls or emails.  And yes, I did not see it coming and I wanted closure.  So I sort after it.  This was new to me.  I had never had someone stop talking to me without knowing the reason why.  I did what any “loyal friend” would do; I tried every possible way to revive the relationship which became somewhat obsessive.  Thinking back, I was operating in a “stalker-like” way.   The most “stalker-like” thing I did was secretly leaving a gift and a card about how much I appreciated her friendship at her doorstep.  Pretty “stalker-like,” right?  Anyway, I wanted to make sure I had not offended her or under appreciate the friendship.  I even messaged her on Facebook pining over what coulda, mighta or shoulda happened.  This, of course, is something you NEVER do, in dating, let alone in friendships.  When she finally got back to me, she gave me the “it’s not you but me” scenario and then sealed it with we were “friends for a season.”  It didn’t feel good being the recipient of “friends for a season” speech so I vowed to never use that phrase towards any of my current or past friendships.

Until now, I still don’t understand the phrase.  But throughout the years, I have learned that friendships change and it is okay when they do.  I am still convinced that there is no such thing as “friends for a season.”  It just ruins the beauty of fall, winter, spring, or summer and friendships.  You choose to be around those you want or feel comfortable being around and it has nothing to do with the seasons.  This is the truth and reality I had to come to; she wanted to move on and be around those she wanted to be around.  People change their minds about the extent of friendship they want to have with you.  They change it for personal reasons, preferences or their current circumstances warrants the change and they feel the need to cut ties.   We all have different definitions and expectations of what we want out of a friendship.  If someone doesn’t meet the expectations, would you say they were never a friend?  I hope not.  That experience taught me to accept that we will never have the perfect friendship that we desire from another human being.